In the beloved 1998 rom-com "You've Got Mail," when big bargain bookstore chain Fox Books opens up a store across the street from Kathleen Kelly's small children's bookstore, it hits her business and her ego hard. She starts losing customers and revenue, and the future of a shop first opened by her late mother starts to flicker.
In an effort to hang on, Kathleen starts stringing clear Christmas lights around the store and dangling from the front window, hoping it will drum up business and momentum.
"It will all shake out. Meanwhile I am putting out more twinkle lights," Kathleen says optimistically.
Today is my 28th birthday, and to start off this next year of my life I've decided to take a page out of one of my all-time favorite movies.
This past year I have felt less like myself than I think I ever have. I don't really feel like I know who I am. My self esteem and my confidence have taken a big hit. I've been riddled with anxiety and worry. I doubt myself and I don't trust my instinct that I used to rely on so strongly. I've self-isolated and become more introverted, and I've been confused by my career path and what I'm supposed to do with my life. I don't feel like I know my style anymore or even what my favorite flavor of ice cream is. I feel like I've been living in a gray, confusing fog.
Some might say this is just what being in your 20s is about, and I agree. I know I can't rush this chapter of life that can be so transformative, and I trust that things will shake out for the better. But I also think I have some say in this, and I want to try and win back some of my sparkle.
We often use twinkle lights to brighten up dark spaces. We hang up a string of lights above our bed or in the kitchen window to add a little warmth and cheer. We deck out our houses and living rooms with rows and rows of twinkling lights at Christmas time to show our appreciation for the season — which will help us transition into a new year — and to help us get through winter. Sometimes all you need is a set of lights to pull everything together.
So why can't I do that with my life when it's feeling a little lackluster?
For my 28th year, I plan to hang twinkle lights in all metaphorical corners of my life. I'll string them from the archway of my self-talk and let them brighten up the way I think about myself. I'll frame them around my ambitions and my dreams and hope they can help guide me down the right path. I'll hang them around my mirror so when I look at myself there's a glowing border surrounding the reflection looking back at me. All of the parts of myself that I don't like will get a set of lights, and the parts that I love about myself but have forgotten about will get twice as many.
When I start to feel bad about myself, I'll turn the lights on. When I start to doubt myself, I'll turn the lights on. When I start to be confused about who I am or who I'm supposed to be, I'll turn the lights on.
I want to prioritize my health and my people. I want to prioritize my love for myself and to what makes me special. I want to learn to be brave again and to be carefree. I want to find my spark again, the thing in me that makes the world go "wow."
There's something to be said about faking it until you make it. Even though I don't feel quite as twinkly at the moment, there's nothing stopping me from creating a little artificial light while I search for who I once was and who I am becoming.
I have no idea what the next year of my life will look like, and I know there are some things that aren't in my control. Kathleen Kelly ultimately had to close her store at the end of "You've Got Mail." But it led to new and exciting things. And we can always hang up more twinkle lights to find the bright spots again — that's what I'm going to do until I start to feel like myself again.
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